love made of papper

I 'am back!
It's been a long time ago. A lot has happen, it feels like I had a smaller personal earthquake in my life or something..But I am finally back now.
Among many nice thoughts I had when I was a kid, is that if you do find real strong love and relationship, if you find a person that is the right one.. Although it might not be so easy to find, it will last and stay strong.
Well.. Now as I am growing older I learn of course that life is much less simple and more cruel than that. I wonder if I am one of few people here, or does this happen to many of us: a moment when you realize you have most probably found the person you are most suited for, the person you will be most comfortable with and happy..
And it's over! So you start wondering, if even that didn't work out...
Of course though, you can never say never, there is always a probability that there is a person out there just as good or even better, after all we are much more than many many millions here on earth, but chances of you really meeting such a person are not so big in real life.

My father told me when trying to comfort me earlier, how there are good and bad sides in everything. The old stile arranged marriages -might- save a lot of energy, time and heartache. . And he is right, I realized smiling.

After all, you never know how things turn up, it's never easy. And me, I've heard that I am difficult many times. It's very hard for me to find someone I like in that way, almost impossible..To find anyone I am even attracted to. And some older ladies who have been worried I will end up alone have warned me about being too stubborn and demanding with their pointed fingers.

But still, I guess you should never say never, or at least never try..
And I realize I have some more problems a head. I can't stand anything that feels the least "arranged" or "forced". I can't go on a date. Cause than I know it is a date. The romance is more or less already forced up on the meeting, cause it's a date, whether I enjoy my company or not.
It just feels too awkward and destroy any chances from the beginning. And the worse kind of date is in a typically romantic cafeteria with a rose on the table and love music playing. The typical other place for dating is a nice park bench, that's fine if you already have a relation, but if you are not yet, and you are not sure you even like your company then the awkwardness increases a lot. Unfortunately for me, most dates in Syria look like that.

And in the begging of a relationship, the first 4 or 5 months, I don't like holding hands in romantic places! And I can't stand hiding or sneaking behind any family when calling or meeting. I don't need to, and I can't stand people who think that I should need to.
For me, all that sneaking and just holding hands hiding in cafeterias with a forced atmosphere and just walking around without a goal just to be together far away from certain eyes,and only do that over and over again, as I see many young people do...
The whole thing feels unnatural and meaningless to me. It's like building an imaginary house of paper, that almost never holds in reality. Love of paper.
But what do I want than? I want more guys and girls to be able to meet easily in groups as friends, spent more time together, and often, so you have a chance of meeting a person you like, a friend of a friend or what ever, and having the chance of knowing him better first in a more relaxed way than an awkward romantic date. And I want families to back off and let people do that!
And when it is a relation..I still don't want no romantic silly dates. I like to be more practical. I like going out together to the market on streets or to food stores and buying food together we prepare later in either mine or his house, and the family to back off and not be afraid of leaving us alone in the kitchen. I don't want to see the guy all dressed up for a cafeteria date, but I prefer seeing him relaxed in his house cooking with me , or tired wearing pygmies late a Friday night watching a movie we rented earlier and drinking tee with me, and if we love each other we should be able to have our arms around each other without anyone thinking it's improper.
When I am sick I can call him and we can spend time together when I am bored in my room and need him to bring me a cold wet towel to put on my forehead, even in the early morning when we both look less fresh before getting any shower and coffee..

And thank god..It is far from all families who control their grown up children in everything and makes them have no option but to hide and sneak to meet guys or girls, but still...It could be much much better!